Why don't more people tell physics jokes?

So, I've been thinking about Schroedinger and his cat a little bit over the past few days. I don't know why really. I'm going to explore it here.

Schroedinger's cat is a Thought Experiment to do with Quantum Physics. Heavy stuff, I know. Basically, Schroedinger proposes you put a cat in a box with a vial of poison and a Geiger counter. If the Geiger counter detects radiation, the poison vial breaks and kills the cat. No radiation, poison intact, cat stays alive. The point being, that until an observation is made one way or the other this closed system exists in both states at once; the poison is both intact and broken, cat both alive and dead.

I think I started thinking about this when I chucked a t-shirt on the other morning to head into the lab. I suddenly realised, even though I've had this shirt for ages, I never noticed that it is Schroedinger's cat. It's just a cat, but it seems to be created out of negative space - the outlines are white, and kind of dotted-line-ish. The things that would be shading usually are white. It has white pupils. It's a freaky effing cat when you finally pay attention to it. Anyway, the spots on this cat are multicoloured - red, green, yellow, blue. What the hell kind of cat is this? Well, the caption says it all. 'Philosophy Cat.' It's a cat that could be in any number of states at once, existing all at the same time, until someone makes an observation and decides what is going on. Schroedinger's Cat.

Realising this made me feel like a bit of a super nerd. How many people who bought this shirt at a young woman's clothing store would realise the greater implications of it? None of them, probably. I have a t-shirt which is a physics joke. Win.

So then, I started thinking about the concept. I think it's the state my life is in at the moment. I am existing in at least two different states at once and I need to make an observation, or somebody needs to make an observation, for me to collapse into one state or the other.

I am both married and not. I am both confident and a quivering mess. I am both sure of my future and completely unsure where it could turn. I am both lover and fighter. Intellectual and completely stupid. Asleep and awake. Alive and not-alive. Addicted and able to quit anytime.

I'm waiting for someone to make an observation. To see me for what I really am. I wish that person had been my Husband. I tried so hard to make it him. I tried to be the one he wanted to observe. But I'm just not and I've been lying about who I am for 3 years.

Wow. Heavy stuff for a Monday. I warned you. I can't believe this all came out from a t-shirt.

A Continuance.

So there did end up being talking. It was refreshing to hear Husband's thoughts put into words. It hasn't ever happened much.

Many decisions were reached. Most are too private to publicise on the world wide web, I think. At the moment, we stay together. He has been told how my plans for life have changed though. He's thinking about it. At the moment said happenings aren't imminent. He is thinking about whether he can deal with where I'm going. It was decided that if he comes back to me in a few weeks, or a few months and decides he doesn't want to go where I'm going then we'll jump off that cliff when we come to it.

The epic change, that I hope will happen soon, is finding somewhere else to live. We are going to find flatmates. He's never lived with anyone except his family and now me. I'm hoping it will help him grow, to live with other people and have to take some responsibility for things instead of me just taking care of everything. Should save some money too. I love money.

He's going to try harder to come out and socialise with me and meet people. He can do anything he wants in life, he has a brain and motivation. He just needs to figure out what he wants. He said he just wants to be with me. I said that's fine, but that I want him to want more, otherwise we really will grow too far apart, and I likely will become ridden with guilt, distant and resentful.

Do Not Want.

Stay tuned, if you want to. Future posts will likely be brighter. There might be kittens. Movie reviews, thoughts on books I'm reading, music I'm listening to. The possibilities are endless. As a taster, today I cracked open Herodotus - the Histories; CD for today was Lady Gaga - Born This Way. What a strange combination.

Drama leads to blogtasticalness!

So, I was going to have this blog, and write about stuff I thought about. There's even people out there that might read it now. Maybe. You don't have to, it's a nice place to get stuff off my chest.

Anyway, there was another big earthquake and so I forgot about my blog and just was trying to survive for a while. Life got a little dramatic more recently though.

It was revealed to Husband this weekend that I'm not happy how things are at the moment. It wasn't supposed to happen the way it did. I was going to write all the things down and talk about them like an adult with him. But then a situation exploded on our weekend away with the In-laws. In a supermarket carpark in the rain no less. So all my plans went out the window and the talk happened on the fly.

We're just sitting here on the couch awkwardly now. I don't think he's going to talk about it with me. But that's part of the problem isn't it?

I'm sure there will be more for me to process here as the situation progresses. Time for food and a cigarette and an attempt to talk I guess.